Intentional Parenting

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Did You Take My Noodles?

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I messed up bad this week. I really disappointed my kids. Specifically, Emma.

I received a text message from her the other day as I was eating lunch.

Emma: Did you take MY buttered noodles?

Me: Oops. (guilty face emoji)

Emma: Dad! Now I am without noodles…the noodles that I made! The noodles I was so happy to eat today!

Me: I’m sorry. (tearful face emoji)

Emma: Shame on you…noodles

Look, parents, sometimes we will disappoint our kids. Sometimes it’s just taking their noodles on accident when we didn’t realize it was their noodles that they were planning to eat for lunch. But sometimes it’s something bigger. Maybe a missed ballgame, a missed speech contest or other event of theirs that they were hoping we would come to. Maybe it’s simply time with them, not playing a game they wanted to play with us, not taking them to that movie we promised, not coming through on a commitment we said we would come through on.

Your kids will get over a broken promise every now and then but you can’t make a habit of it. When you do mess up, break a commitment or a promise, talk to them, admit you made a mistake and apologize. Just because you’re the parent doesn’t mean you don’t have to admit your faults to your kids. It doesn’t mean you don’t have to apologize.

Our kids will love and respect us more when we are real with them like that. When we demonstrate and model the actions we want them to take when they mess up, they will learn more quickly from us. We are to model the behavior we expect them to have.

So you may be wondering if my daughter ever forgave me. When I got home I apologized to her and she yet again expressed her disappointment. However, I came prepared. I had to stop for gas on the way home from work so I stepped into the gas station to get a Twix candy bar for her. I pulled it out of my pocket to give to her and asked, “will this help make it better?” “Yep!” she replied with a grin. Whew!

Now, I don’t mean to imply that you can just buy your way out of a mess you may have gotten yourself into. It may work for taking your daughter’s buttered noodles but it won’t replace time missed with you. But it doesn’t hurt to go a little out of your way to try and make up for it.

054 – Passive Parenting

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Show Notes

Fun Times with Dad: I took Emma and Nolan to All Fired Up in West Lafayette to do a craft project. We purchased a ceramic item and they got to paint it. I like to have stuff like this to do during break.

Eli

In this episode I talk about passive parenting and the example we find in the Bible. 1 Samuel 2 talks about Eli and the disaster that his sons are. They are wicked and sinful. The Bible calls them corrupt. But Eli doesn’t do much to help the situation. He knows what’s going on but he doesn’t do anything about it.

Kyle Idleman actually talks about this in his book, AHA (chapter 10). He says that all the action Eli took was that he gives them a good talking to.

What Do We Honor More Than God?

Do you honor your children more than God? God poses this question to Eli and challenges him on his job as a parent. We cannot put our children above God. Regardless of how tired we are at the end of the day, we need to take care of the things that we need to take care of.

Our passive approach to the action God has called us to take shows that we are honoring something more than Him. – Kyle Idleman

Reject Passivity in Your Parenting

As humans we have a tendency to let our responsibility as parents slide. When I come home from work, I’d prefer to kick back for a relaxing evening. But sometimes there are issues to be dealt with. Perhaps one of the kids who was out of sorts and I need to give my wife a break. This was more often an issue when our kids are little, but being an intentional parent is having your responsibility of parenting at the top of mind.

An intentional parent will reject passivity.

Links:
1 Samuel 2:12-36
AHA – Kyle Idleman

053 – A Look Back, A Look Ahead

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Show Notes

Fun Times with Dad: Baking Christmas cookies with Emma and Nolan…but mostly Emma.

In this episode, I take a look back at the past year of podcasting and run down the top 5 episodes in terms of downloads. I also point out some additional episodes that you might want to listen to if you haven’t done so already. Finally, I talk through my goals for 2016 and my strategy for accomplishing them. Instead of focusing on the year as a whole, I decided to break it up and keep goals set for 90-days and adjust as necessary every quarter.podcast-ep053

2015 – Top Five Podcast Episodes:

Don’t Miss These Too!

Thank you for listening! I look forward to what the coming year will bring! Happy New Year!

052 – The Thrill of Christmas

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Show Notes

Fun Times with Dad: Recently our family took the opportunity to ring the bell for the Salvation IMG_4098Army. It’s one of our family traditions and helps get us into the Christmas spirit!

We had two weddings that we were invited to this past weekend. Both included those that attended youth group when I was a youth leader. My wife and I were forced to split up…she attended one wedding and I attended the other. I truly wished I could have been at both.

Christmas is Coming!

In this episode, I also talk about the thrill of Christmas. IMG_4196Remember how excited you were on Christmas morning? Hopefully your family situation allowed for an exciting Christmas. I’m not naive enough to assume that everyone had the picture perfect Christmas. But regardless of the thrill you had or didn’t have on Christmas, recognize that your children still have a thrill on that special morning. Do what you can to allow them to experience the thrill regardless of whether it’s still there for you or not.

What Christmas is All About

Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying:

“Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”

Luke 2:8-14

 

051 – The Mary Poppins Effect

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Show Notes

Fun Times with Dad: Taking Alex to meet with Indiana congressman, Todd Rokita.alex-with-RepRokita

Mary Poppins Musical

After again witnessing the musical production of Mary Poppins, I was struck by how much the show is about George Banks learning to become an intentional parent.

His son, Michael, just wants to fly a kite with him but he’s too busy being busy and involved in his banking career. But Mr. Banks is not just a bad father, he’s also a bad husband! He’s not supportive or encouraging of his wife’s aspirations of getting back into being an actress.

No man should be too busy for his own children. – Mr. Northbrook (Mary Poppins)

mary-poppins-121215In one of the scenes where Bert is asking Micheal if he wants to fly his kite, again Michael says he always wanted to fly one with his dad. After a bit of prompting from Bert about how proud his dad will be to discover how expertly he can fly a kite does Michael agree to do it.

Kids are very interested in doing things and achievements that make their parents proud.

Throughout the various events things turn out well for George Banks and upon receiving a promotion, George accepts with the following qualifier, “I accept, but you must understand one thing: from now on, my family comes first.”

050 – Prayer Matters

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Show Notes

Fun Times with Dad: Teaching Nolan the finer points of exterior illumination.exterior-illumination

In this episode, I take a look at some recent items in the news. Tim Tebow gets dumped by Miss Universe because he loves Jesus more, an 8-year old makes crosses for cops and the NY Daily News mocks prayer.

It’s nice to see a person of the caliber of Tim Tebow stand up as a truly positive role model for our sons.

There’s a neat story about an 8-yr old girl who makes crosses for officers. This reminded me of a recent podcast I heard on raising creative kids! Check out the link below.

The New York Daily News came out against prayer and the supposed “meaninglessness” of it as several GOP candidates offer “thoughts and prayers in the wake of the San Bernardino tragedy. The truth is prayer does matter. It’s perhaps the most important way we, as believers, can spend our time. The reality is, as Matt Walsh points out in his article, that we don’t get what we want, how we want it just because we pray. It’s all God. God’s timing. God’s purpose. God’s plan. God’s way.

Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.~ James 5:16

Links:
Open Letter to Tim Tebow
8-yr old Girl Makes Crosses for Officers
Raising Creative and Entrepreneurial Kids
Yes, God Can Fix This. He Already Has

049 – Attachment Issues in Adoption

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Show Notes

carrie-otoole

Carrie O’Toole

In this episode, I talk with Carrie O’Toole about adoption. She shares her story from her experience of her and her husband adopting a young boy from Viet Nam when he was 3 1/2 years old.

Carrie tells us, “with adoption, things never go as expected.” This statement rings even more true with those who have adopted children that also have attachment disorders.

Children who are up for adoption have already faced trauma that has greatly affected them having experienced losing their mother and father. “Parenting a traumatized child is traumatizing,” Carrie shares in this episode. She talks about the challenges her and her husband faced in the years following this adoption and the heartbreak they felt as their son eventually moved in with another family.

Carrie now coaches other families and couples who have adopted children with attachment disorders and also leads retreats for moms who have disrupted an adoption or relinquished a child.

Links
Carrie’s website
Relinquished – When Love Means Letting Go

048 – Pass the Pumpkin Pie

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Show Notes

Fun Times with Dad: Instead of sharing a fun time with the kids, we created one on the podcast! This podcast features my two youngest kids, Emma and Nolan.

In this episode, my kids, Emma, Nolan and I talk about the upcoming holidays and some of our favorite pumpkin-pietraditions and most enjoyable parts of Thanksgiving dinner, like the pumpkin pie!

We share some of the activities we are looking forward to this Christmas season like Christmas cookies and shopping for gifts.

Expressing gratitude…
  • to God
  • to your spouse
  • to your kids
  • to your friends
  • to your church – ministries you benefit from
  • to your employer

Be the example to your kids of what having a thankful heart looks like

Some Bible verses on gratitude:
Ephesians 5:20 – giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Colossians 3:15 – And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:16 – Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 – give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

I also come to a stunning realization during this episode. My kids fight sometimes! What’s worse is that this sometimes happen after they study Bible! Proof that parenting isn’t easy! You can parent as intentionally as possible but none of us can do it perfectly. We can keep encouraging each other along the way though! I hope this episode brings some encouragement to you and a smile to your face.

 

047 – Begin With the End in Mind

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Show Notes

Fun Times with Dad: Playing Phase 10 with Emma!

In this episode I cover a few different topics.

I briefly recap the Cubs’ spectacular season making it all the way to the NLCS in the postseason. I look forward to the start of Illini basketball.

In Stephen Covey’s book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Habit 2 is “Begin with the end in mind.”be-intentional
I think we can apply this concept to our parenting. Just consider, what will the adult child you send off into the world look like in terms of integrity, character, servanthood, etc?

We have an awesome opportunity to influence our children for the time they are under our care. Be proactive and intentional with that time!

Finally, a family that needs your prayers…Rory and Joey Feek. Joey has been dealing with cancer and her body is overcome with it now as she is in hospice. Pray for them and their children. They have two adult girls and a baby girl named Indiana. Check out Rory’s blog for more about their situation and consider how you can pray more specifically for them.

Links
Chicago Cubs
Fighting Illini
Family Man – Advent nights
7 Habits of Highly Effective People
This Life I Live – One More

046 – Bringing Up My Boys

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Show Notes

peanuts

This is me as a Peanuts character

Fun Times with Dad: This past weekend our family (sans the eldest child) went to see the Peanuts movie. It was a very good movie with a solid message. We all enjoyed it and I talk about why in this episode.

Ten years ago I wrote a song about the responsibility I have as a dad to lead my kids as they grow. Understanding it is the Lord who guides us through the parenting journey, this song is a prayer and plea to God to help me through these years, to redeem this time and to raise my kids under His direction.

I share the song at the end of the episode. The lyrics are below.

Bringing Up my Boys (Raise My Little Girl)

Boys run up to their Dad
Ball and bat in hand
Their eyes are telling me just what they need
Some time with just the guys
So I play for a while
And they show me how good they’re getting to be

I just want to be the best dad that I can
Watch them play, have fun and laugh
Camp, fish, play baseball
Share in all their joys
So God help me know what to do
As I’m bringing up my boys

She’s got a scrape on her knee
I need a band-aid, daddy
She’s says with big brown eyes a tear down her cheek
Though at times challenging
She can be as sweet can be
Will it be like this when she turns thirteen?

I just want to be the best dad that I can
Watch her play, have fun and laugh
Puts on mommy’s make-up
Gives her hair a twirl
So God help me know what to do
As I raise my little girl

It’s time for wrestling
Tonight it’s one on three
Then popcorn and a movie
I tuck them into bed
My little sleepy heads
We say our prayers, then go to sleep

I just want to be the best dad that I can
Watch them play, have fun and laugh
Camp, fish, play baseball, share in all their joys
So God help me know what to do as I’m bringing up my boys
Puts on mommy’s make-up, gives her hair a twirl
So God help me know what to do as I raise my little girl
Show me what a privilege it is
To be blessed with these kids

Links:
Bringing Up Boys
Bringing Up Girls
Benefit of Reading to Your Children (scroll down to point five)