004 – Ten Ways We Provoke Our Children

Show Notes

Fun Times with Dad
Taking my daughter to see the musical, Annie, in Chicago.

Being a Dad who Leads – John MacArthur

Ten Ways We Provoke Our Children
1. By Being Overprotective
2. By Showing Favoritism
3. By Setting Unrealistic Achievement Goals
4. By allowing Them to be Overindulgent
5. By Discouragement
6. By Failing to Make Sacrifices for Them
7. By Failing to Allow Them to Grow Up
8. By Neglect
9. By Abusive Words
10. By Physical Abuse

Watching Over your Child’s Heart
Proverbs 4:23 – Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.

Tweet: Everything’s better with pepper! – Andy Overly

Season your life with spontaneity!

Questions?
Send them to info@intentionalparenting.net

 

Don’t be Oblivious

power-washI try to be intentional about taking at least one of the kids with me when I go out to run errands. Once when Alex was about four years old, I took him with me to the car wash. I had him help with the power washer. His hand wasn’t big enough to grasp the handle and the trigger so when he grabbed the handle, I pulled the trigger. Suddenly, he started crying and I didn’t know what the problem was. I thought he was a little freaked out by the force of the water or something. Then I realized, I was pinching his hand by my squeezing the trigger of the power washer. I felt so bad for hurting him and even worse for not realizing it right away.

Sometimes we do things to our kids that are harmful to them without even realizing it. We know what is good for our children but sometimes we deny them that which is good. Sometimes we don’t even do it on purpose. For example, if a child’s activities fall on a Sunday and we choose those activities over going to church, we don’t make Christ a priority. However, as a Christian, we want Christ to be the ultimate priority in their life. Some may say, “Yes, but it won’t hurt to miss a Sunday every now and then.” Maybe not, but typically, “every now and then” turns into “every week”, at least for a season. Then after one season, we are suddenly out of the habit of going to church and we get out of the habit of spending any time with God.

The point is, the priorities you establish now will be what sticks with your kids when they are grown. Tedd Tripp writes about our need to show our children the Glory of God. There is nothing more important than showing them God’s Glory. If we raise kids who do not know our Glorious God, we will have grandchildren who do not know our Glorious God. Is that the legacy you want to leave with your children and your children’s children?

Be consistent with putting Christ first in your life and set the example for generations that follow you.

003 – Interview with Jeff Jones

jeff-jonesShow Notes

Kids are Raised Around the Table
The Reality of Marriage

He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?
– Micah 6:8

Psalm 103

Tweetable: “Parenting = Sacrifice.” – Jeff Jones

How to contact Jeff:
Twitter – @JeffDrummer
Websites –
CustomStix.com
jeffdrummer.com

002 – Being a Parent Who Leads

Show Notes

And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. ~ Ephesians 6:4

Raising Godly Children in an Ungodly World by Ken Ham & Steve Ham

Being a Dad who Leads – John MacArthur

Tweetable: “As a parent, your first task is to pursue vigorously the eternal salvation of your children.” – John MacArthur

001 – Leading Your Family

Show Notes

Raising Godly Children in an Ungodly World by Ken Ham & Steve Ham

“Statistics indicate that 7 of 10 students that attend church will walk away from church after they leave High School.”

Consider goals for your family and for your kids.

Lead Me – Sanctus Real

Fireproof

Courageous

Tweetable: Your leadership today, is your legacy tomorrow – Phil Conrad

000 – About Us

This is the About Us episode for our podcast.

Why a parenting podcast?

Several years ago I was sitting in a session on parenting and the speaker used this word “intentional.” At the time it really resonated with me in the way I want to parent.

Having served in Youth Ministry, I have seen the need for parents to step up in the role of parenting in a way that is intentional. Too many parents let opportunities slip passed them and parent in a way that is passive doing more reacting than acting. I think this reactive form of parenting often leaves the parents exhausted and the kids wandering without a compass.

Intentional Parenting calls for the parents to lead their children, to have goals for your family, make a plan to meet those goals and then take action on the plan and accomplishing the goals.

Who I am

I’m a parent. My wife and I have been married for over 17 years as of this recording. We have three children ages 16, 12 and 10. My vocational background is in computer programming. I have worked in the area of technology for over sixteen years. So the idea of podcasting appealed to me partly because I was intrigued by the technological aspects of it.

The other side of it is that I was a youth leader for over eight years with over ten years altogether in youth ministry. Through that experience I saw a need to reach parents with help and resources in raising their kids.

What this will be about

Some of it will be about personal experience, some of it will be about experiences of others as I interview various people. I also hope to introduce you to various resources to help in your parenting journey from books to where to spend your vacation.

Daddy-Daughter Dates

One of my goals each year is to take my daughter, Emma, on four datesddd-oct14 at some point throughout the year. We call them “Daddy-Daughter Dates.” Ideally, I like to do it at least once a quarter. For me to be intentional about it, I need to get it on my calendar and set up reminders to make sure I get it done. Sadly, I don’t think I got four dates in the first year or two I did this. But it is important to me to do this and it is fun to spend one-on-one time with her.

I have a couple reasons for doing it:
1) I get to know her
I try to take advantage of our time together and ask her questions about school, friends, current insterests, etc. It helps me stay in touch with what’s going on in her life. It’s a good time for me to focus just on her and understand what is going on in her head.

2) I want to set a precedent
If I decide to let her date when she’s older, :) I want her to have an example of how a lady should be treated. I don’t want some shmuck treating her badly or disrecpectfully. I also don’t want someone to not be interested in what she is interested in.

Dating yoddd-nov14ur daughter doesn’t have to be expensive. We’ve done all kinds of different things for dates. We’ve gone uptown for ice cream, we’ve gone out for hot chocolate, we’ve gone to the movies and recently we went to Chicago to see Annie, the musical. That last one was a bit expensive but I wanted to do something special. It could be as simple as playing frisbee in the park.

The key is to make it happen and take the time to make it happen. Taking time for your kids is huge in filling their love tank.

And this is a great opportunity to make a memory!

What are some date ideas you have for dating your daughter? Let me know in the comments!

A Cancelled Christmas

By now you have probably seen the story about the Utah couple who cancelled Christmas this year for their kids. John and Lisa will not be giving any presents to their children this year. In her blog, Over the Big Moon, Lisa shares why that is:

“John and I feel like we are fighting a very hard uphill battle with our kids when it comes to entitlement. Our kids have been acting so esteem-othersungrateful lately. They expect so much even when their behavior is extremely disrespectful.”

So many young people do seem to have a sense of entitlement. As parents, we need to train them to put others first and help them learn not to be self-centered.

Consider what Paul writes in Philipppians 2:3 – “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” (NKJV) Did you catch that last part? “…let each esteem others better than himself.” That is tough to learn to do as an adult, let alone when your a kid.

Because it’s difficult for us, it’s difficult for us to instill that in our children. So, when we make threats to our kids, we have to be careful to follow through on those threats. If we don’t follow through, then any threat we use will become meaningless as we then teach our kids that our threats aren’t anything to worry about.

“How often are kids threaten that Santa won’t come if kids are naughty…. yet have you ever heard of anyone that really followed through on that threat?” – Lisa

What it boils down to for us as intentional parents, is teaching our children to set aside their selfish pride and living with an attitude of humility. There may be no greater struggle in our human nature than our battle with our pride.

Not long ago, I wrote a post about one of our kids getting into trouble and how we didn’t allow them to go trick-or-treating. The thing with discipline is, you have to make it effective and memorable for your children so next time they think through a situation, whether it’s their behavior or lack of obedience, to make the right choice.

But we don’t want them to make the right choice so they can get stuff. We want them to make the right choice because it’s the right thing to do. We want them to make the right choice because they want to live in a way that is honoring and pleasing to God.

Parenting is not easy. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. But keep at it! Stay intentional!

The Month of Christmas

a-christmas-carolTo say that my wife loves Christmas is an understatement. We had our tree up before Thanksgiving this year and usually have it up 4-5 weeks before Christmas. She really gets into the decorating, the baking, the music and, of course, the shopping. Less so the shopping than the other parts of it but she enjoys an annual excursion for the black Friday deals.

I play the role of the supportive husband. I’ve grown to like having the decorations up and the music playing in the background. Even as I type this there are pies in the oven for one more family gathering this Thanksgiving weekend. And I am being watched by her collection of ‘A Christmas Carol’ figurines.

Growing up, I lived in the country so there was no need for our family to put up outdoor lights. But we live in a subdivision on the edge of town now so my wife has encouraged me in putting up lights on the house.

A few years ago I bought a couple strands of lights and hung them up on the gutter. A year later, I bought a few more and hung those up on the gutter as well extending all the way across the front of our house. It is simple and tasteful. (Nothing like the Griswold’s.)

I don’t mind putting up the lights. I enjoy it because she enjoys it. And it helps get me into the Christmas spirit too. She makes the whole month of December a lot of fun around here. We get to enjoy Christmas for a whole month!

I know December is a busy month for most people, but I hope you get a chance to enjoy the season. I hope you have some fun family movie nights with your favorite Christmas movies. I hope you get to spend some time caroling or ringing bells or going to a Christmas party.

Above all, I hope you remember the reason for the season as we head into December. Jesus came as a gift to the world to save us from sin and death. Don’t forget the best Gift!

For unto us a Child is born,
Unto us a Son is given;
And the government will be upon His shoulder.
And His name will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
~ Isaiah 9:6 ~

 

Just Imagine

One of the things I love about home school is how it helps our kids be creative. Our younger two kids like to draw. I was in the office, where our kids have school, and found this picture of “Charly”. Apparently my children have a bunch of friends whom I have never met.

I don’t recall having imaginary friends when I was young so they must get it from my sister. She had a whole imaginary family. I think they lived in the old corn crib on our property. Maybe it wasn’t a family but there were a lot of them.

But it’s fun to see a piece of the creativity going on in their heads.charly

It’s important for kids to have a creative outlet. But if we let them stare at a screen all day, there is no opportunity for it to come out. Technology is great and fun and fascinating but it should not be consuming our time.

I was listening to a podcast a few months ago and was interested to learn that Steve Jobs didn’t let his kids have iPods and iPads. Though he was part of the Apple juggernaut to create such amazing devices, when it came to parenting, he was intentional to make sure this technology wouldn’t take over their lives.

In a New York Times article, Nick Bilton writes,

“So, your kids must love the iPad?” I asked Mr. Jobs, trying to change the subject. The company’s first tablet was just hitting the shelves. “They haven’t used it,” he told me. “We limit how much technology our kids use at home.”
I’m sure I responded with a gasp and dumbfounded silence. I had imagined the Jobs’s household was like a nerd’s paradise: that the walls were giant touch screens, the dining table was made from tiles of iPads and that iPods were handed out to guests like chocolates on a pillow.
Nope, Mr. Jobs told me, not even close.

Since then, I’ve met a number of technology chief executives and venture capitalists who say similar things: they strictly limit their children’s screen time, often banning all gadgets on school nights, and allocating ascetic time limits on weekends.

I was perplexed by this parenting style. After all, most parents seem to take the opposite approach, letting their children bathe in the glow of tablets, smartphones and computers, day and night.

Yet these tech C.E.O.’s seem to know something that the rest of us don’t.

Chris Anderson, the former editor of Wired and now chief executive of 3D Robotics, a drone maker, has instituted time limits and parental controls on every device in his home. “My kids accuse me and my wife of being fascists and overly concerned about tech, and they say that none of their friends have the same rules,” he said of his five children, 6 to 17. “That’s because we have seen the dangers of technology firsthand. I’ve seen it in myself, I don’t want to see that happen to my kids.”

While we do allow our kids a fair amount of “screen time” (i.e. time on iPods, DS, computer, watching a DVD) we do try to be aware of how much they get.

Recently my youngest son bought an old pair of boxing gloves at a yard sale. The next evening, my kids were excited to show me a new game they created. I go upstairs to find them playing pickle ball using the gloves as the rackets and couch cushions as the net.

Being the responsible parent I am, of course I squelched their fun…though not before getting a game in with them myself. Fortunately nothing got broken and they were able to continue the fun the next day in the garage.